I am so blessed to be a part of this great plan God has for me.
I won't lie. Some days suck. Some days I just want to be a mom. I don't want to be a therapist anymore. I don't want to be the shuttle driver to this appointment and then that one. I don't want to clean up vomit again...for the second, third time in one day. I just want to have a normal life back.
And yet, at the center of all this messed up, craziness that my life has become, I am so grateful to be a part of God's bigger plan. God knew at the beginning where Liam would be (Acts 17:26 says: He determines the times set for men and the exact places they should live). He has used Liam in ways I will never know, that I can not see this side of heaven. And at times he has allowed me a small glimpse into His purpose. I have asked to be used through this all and He is answering. He is using me, building his vessel and creating something beautiful from the shattered pieces. He always provides when we seek him.
Liam being denied treatment last year was disgustingly frustrating. We had fundraised, prayed, fattened Liam up, got the money needed, got Liam fat enough, and then got the door slammed shut. I couldn't believe it! I felt foolish, disappointed, and like a fraud doing fundraising for a treatment we couldn't even get. I don't understand why we couldn't go last year. But that was what God wanted.
This year, I applied again, before even fattening Liam up and he was approved immediately. But there was a few bumps in the road this time. We no longer had all the money because the price went up since we last applied. We also were given three different treatment options with different prices and all with different possible increased results to choose from. Oh Lord, what do we do?
I prayed. I prayed that the decision would be made in the end based on what finances we had available at that time. I thought I'd do a small fund raiser for tees to get us going. I did not mention what my heart desired which was the most expensive treatment option. I kept that to myself. It is the better "bang for our buck" treatment and so I hoped for this one, assuming we would be doing the cheapest one.
But God knew my heart and he heard my prayers. Would you believe that He answered my silent hopes by providing the needed money with out even asking one single person for it?
Not a one!
Ephesians 3:20 Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.
I had two separate checks show up in my mailbox a couple of weeks apart, one from a complete stranger, propelling us to within achieving the total!!
We then received another large donation, from another stranger, through Liam's paypal account bringing us to right under the total needed!
I am in awe. To be able to take part in God's plan and witness first hand his miraculous answer to prayer blows me away. I have truly been at a loss for words and have sat with this blog post in editing mode for days. My thanks is not good enough for the people who have so selflessly given to my little boy, a boy they don't personally know, yet God placed on their heart to help. My words can not fully express my gratitude for being given such a precious gift, such a glimpse of something so much bigger than myself.
I have been so blessed by this journey, awed by God's provision, and humbled by His people. That He would let me see so closely His work in this has me at a loss for words and grateful for his direction.
Acts 17:27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.