31 January 2013

Faith vs Trust

I am sure this has been said much more profoundly and eloquently than I will be able to put into words. And I'm sure if you Google it you will see exactly what I am talking about. But as we were working our way through the bible study this week in our special needs study, something hit me as one of the moms was talking and my brain just went, "AHA!" and I wanted to share my moment. :)

I'm sure you're familiar with the passage where Jesus stands the child before his followers and tells them “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
  *See also Mark 10:14-15,

Again, I'm sure you could Google this and find every which way under the sun that this has been exposited on. But sometimes, it's better to just figure it out on your own. It's wonderful to be working through the word in your own way and have God reveal it to you and show you something you've not noticed before.

We have been speaking about how we are to become like little children and what that really means. We had spoken on humbling ourselves and submitting to the authority of the Father like children submit to the authority of their parents. We also talked a lot on faith and how children have so much faith. They believe what you say is true because you are the parent and authority, you are to be believed simply because of your position over them and the 'respect' they have for you in that position. Look how long they believe in Santa. I have a friend who didn't know the truth of Santa until junior high...always believing what her parents said.

I've always heard that verse described with those meanings in mind. Our discussion wasn't new for anyone except for maybe my response which was that children are always asking why, having to be disciplined continually, and want so much independence that it seems so contrary to me to have Jesus want us to be like kids (I'm always and forever trying to see all sides of an issue).

But then as we were talking at our next get together, one of the moms started talking about trust. And it just hit me. I think I understood where Jesus was going.

"Humble ourselves and become as little children." 

Humble means : not proud; low rank in heirarchy.

We are to lower ourselves and become as low ranking as children (they were not fawned over like in today's society, they didn't think babies were adorable, cute and cuddly). Then TRUST in Jesus. This is so much more different than just having faith in Jesus.

     Trust: a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b: one in which confidence is placed 
     Faith: : allegiance to duty or person b: belief and loyalty to God

See the differences between the two? Faith is belief in God, an allegiance to him and no other, being loyal to him and only him. But trust is something different entirely. It's the act of fully relying on God based on his character, his ability, his truths, his word. It's the act of placing your full confidence in Him. 

I love that.

Our children place full confidence in us as their parents to provide for them, protect them, encourage them, and love them. They rely on us for everything. From their daily food to their shelter, children are dependent fully on their parents and trust that they will be taken care of, given exactly what they need in the proper time.

That's the exact trust I should have with my Father. Just like a child.

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14 January 2013

It's official.

It hard to believe that it's really happening. That I have officially (and finally) bought the plane tickets for Liam and me to the Dominican! We leave Feb 20th for a 3 night trip.

The fact that we raised the last of the money is just unbelievable. And this was no small amount that was needed. To go with the most beneficial procedure was an additional $4200 (we found this out only after getting approved as they just started using this method of delivery) and God provided that in 3 weeks. Three weeks people! We didn't ask anyone for it. We prayed and asked God to provide, if possible, so we could give Liam the best chance on this trip.
To have the way paved so clearly is at times breathtaking.

I will admit, I am nervous about a few details which I am praying over and have been praying over for some time.  I will be traveling alone with Liam, which in and of itself is no big deal if we were in a car, but being in an airplane full of people in very close proximity with a child that isn't typical has me on edge. I am praying for accommodating, understanding, and patient people to be placed near us. He has crazy arms, up in the air and out to the sides that can hit really hard. Plus he can projectile vomit a good two feet away.

I am praying that won't happen.

Being in an airport for layover times is not ideal. Liam only does well for long times sitting if he is in his adaptive stroller/wheelchair and I can't take that with me. He prefers to lay down. I may have to let him sprawl out on the floor. Or let him take up a bench.

Then of course, I am praying for BIG, BIG, BIG changes for Liam....Specifically, I am praying for head control.

Liam would love that.

Me too.

Psalm 34:17-18: "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

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08 January 2013

Grateful Prayers

How do you truly thank the people who have helped you along the way when words seem ineffective, inadequate and undescriptive? You want them to know how truly grateful you are yet words are not good enough. So, you pray. Pray that God would bless them abundantly, that God would shower them with great and good things. And you pray that they would feel the gratefulness we have through the greatness of our God.

I am so blessed to be a part of this great plan God has for me.

I won't lie. Some days suck. Some days I just want to be a mom. I don't want to be a therapist anymore. I don't want to be the shuttle driver to this appointment and then that one. I don't want to clean up vomit again...for the second, third time in one day. I just want to have a normal life back.

And yet, at the center of all this messed up, craziness that my life has become, I am so grateful to be a part of God's bigger plan. God knew at the beginning where Liam would be (Acts 17:26 says: He determines the times set for men and the exact places they should live). He has used Liam in ways I will never know, that I can not see this side of heaven.  And at times he has allowed me a small glimpse into His purpose. I have asked to be used through this all and He is answering. He is using me, building his vessel and creating something beautiful from the shattered pieces. He always provides when we seek him.

Liam being denied treatment last year was disgustingly frustrating. We had fundraised, prayed, fattened Liam up, got the money needed, got Liam fat enough, and then got the door slammed shut. I couldn't believe it! I felt foolish, disappointed, and like a fraud doing fundraising for a treatment we couldn't even get. I don't understand why we couldn't go last year. But that was what God wanted.

This year, I applied again, before even fattening Liam up and he was approved immediately. But there was a few bumps in the road this time. We no longer had all the money because the price went up since we last applied. We also were given three different treatment options with different prices and all with different possible increased results to choose from. Oh Lord, what do we do?

I prayed. I prayed that the decision would be made in the end based on what finances we had available at that time. I thought I'd do a small fund raiser for tees to get us going. I did not mention what my heart desired which was the most expensive treatment option. I kept that to myself. It is the better "bang for our buck" treatment and so I hoped for this one, assuming we would be doing the cheapest one.

But God knew my heart and he heard my prayers. Would you believe that He answered my silent hopes by providing the needed money with out even asking one single person for it?

Not a one!

Ephesians 3:20 Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.

I had two separate checks show up in my mailbox a couple of weeks apart, one from a complete stranger, propelling us to within achieving the total!!

We then received another large donation, from another stranger, through Liam's paypal account bringing us to right under the total needed! 

I am in awe. To be able to take part in God's plan and witness first hand his miraculous answer to prayer blows me away. I have truly been at a loss for words and have sat with this blog post in editing mode for days. My thanks is not good enough for the people who have so selflessly given to my little boy, a boy they don't personally know, yet God placed on their heart to help. My words can not fully express my gratitude for being given such a precious gift, such a glimpse of something so much bigger than myself.

I have been so blessed by this journey, awed by God's provision, and humbled by His people. That He would let me see so closely His work in this has me at a loss for words and grateful for his direction.

Acts 17:27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.

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