01 February 2011

It's more than I can handle

Nothing makes me feel more deficient in my God given roll as a mom than parenting a child with significant disabilities. I wake up every day and feel unequipped to do this job. I wake up and a battle rages in my mind. Lines are drawn. One side is warring that I can not manage to possibly do this job in anyway that will not render my child broken and incapable, to the other faction warring that God chose Liam for me and he evidently thinks I won't screw this up too badly.


Mother Teresa's quote is nice and all. You know the one: "God doesn't give you more than you can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much?" But I hate this quote. Really, I do. Sorry Ms. Teresa, but it gets overused and abused by trying to comfort those who are going through tough times.

God does give us more than we can handle. All the time. It's no accident that he pushes our limits of what we think we can handle. In the bible Paul was put through numerous situations that would make the best of us wither and give up. Paul boasts on how weak he was while enduring through beatings, stonings, thieves, being shipwrecked, etc... all the while God was giving him more than a human could handle yet lifting him up with his mercy and grace (oxymoronic if you aren't a Christian, I know).

I know I don't want to wear the badge that says 'You've buried two children and didn't go crazy. I trust you! -God'

Could you imagine that kind of pressure? It's enough to kill you! God gives us a lot to deal with at times and some of it is pretty ugly. Really ugly. But he promises never to leave us.

The bible tells us we are to rely on God to give us the strength. We are to let him carry our burdens. We are not to handle it all ourselves. And each day I wake up, war within myself, and then give it all to God because he will equip me. One day at a time.

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