16 January 2009

I've been working on this post for a while, formulating my words and deciding what exactly I wanted to say. So-Here goes...

My son, is not a punishment. God is not punishing me or my family for wrongs committed today or in the past.

Liam is a joy to us. He's one of the greatest gifts we have ever received and if he is supposed to be a punishment from God then we don't feel very penitent.

Liam's struggles and our struggles with his impairments do not make God less worthy of our praise and love. No matter how tough things get in life we can always pull through and handle it with strength knowing the Lord has placed us in that position because he trusts us to pull through it. And he trusts us to benefit from it and to be an encouragement to others who face trials and struggles. Do we like where he puts us? No- it isn't easy and it isn't fun at times. It's hard being human. But- We can endure the pain knowing we serve an amazing God. We can get through the tough times knowing there is purpose and peace at the end of the day.

Shawn and I have always joked about how God never guarantees us an easy life. It's made us look at the tough times in a different way. And I've always said that the Lord doesn't owe me anything. My children are here because he decided to let me have them for a while. I had nothing to do with creating them, placing them in my womb and growing them. I am not a god that can achieve creation on my own. The lives created are miracles of God's own doing. Why he would give me children in my womb but not let me have them here on earth, I have no idea. I don't understand it. But I trust that He is still a sovereign God who knows much more about how things should be run than I do. And at the end of my life, I will surely see how he laid everything out perfectly.

But for now, I will rejoice in our struggles with our life here. Liam has blessed our family in more ways than you can imagine. And at the end of the day, when I look at my precious little boy... I thank the Lord all over again for his mercy in allowing him to make it through the NICU. For allowing him to come home so our family could get to know him. For giving him such a sweet personality that you can't help but fall in love with him every day. And for giving me a chance to show the world what an awesome God we serve in how he answers our prayers and how he grants his grace and mercy when we are undeserving.

I know it might be hard for some to understand how I can thank God in the midst of what we have been through. It is difficult when I have faced trials. I won't lie. I haven't enjoyed them. I don't look at them and thank the Lord for what feels like unbearable pain and unspeakable loss. I am only human. But in the midst of my trials I am still thanking the Lord for what he has given me. There is always something to be thankful for. Jesus Christ took my punishment. Liam did not.

Going for a ride in his stroller. He loved it. It's been so cold so this was a nice change!

Talking to mommy in his high chair. He loves to watch my mouth move.
And he thinks its funny when I tell him to say momma or "blah".


gagglefamily said...

i praise God for your strength!

Allison said...


Your faith is inspirational to us all! And everything you wrote brought tears to my eyes...

BusyLizzyMom said...

It is amazing to have such a strong faith despite all that you have gone through. It is through this faith you gain so much strength to carry on.
Liam is looking more like a little boy now. Love the Bumbo post keep on with it, it took ahwile for Elizabeth to sit in hers.

23 weekers said...

I agree. It is good to be able to the positive in things. There are so many positive things about Liam to be thankful for.

About the expensive bath chair that you mentioned. Have you looked at getting the EuroBath by Primo? It's larger then the typical baby bathtub. It will fit in the big bathtub or on the kitchen cabinet. I use it on the kitchen cabinet. Kinnick and Carver both use it. It works great and Babies R Us sells it for $25.00.

Shanon Woolley

Michele said...

I've been so down and honestly a little distant with God and my faith lately because of what happened with having my twins so early and one also passing away...and now, Kenny with everything that he is going through...Your post was so inspirational. Thank you for opening my eyes. I have to remember that I am not alone on this journey. I love the pictures of your little guy!
Again, thank you for renewing my faith.